


CARNAGE: Rated R

by webhead3019



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:05:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webhead3019/pseuds/webhead3019
Summary: A self-aware sequel tease to Venom. Will contain spoilers since the movie just came out obviously...





	CARNAGE: Rated R

Eddie shook hands with the producers of Venom. Eddie took a seat and started off, “Reporter Eddie Brock here, reportin live off the set of the sequel to my very own movie. So you recently came under fire for making Venom PG-13 and while that decision proved to be successful, you teased Carnage in the end credits.”

One of the producers shot back, “Well Eddie, as usual it would have been nice to not fucking tell the audience that, since not everyone has seen the first movie yet. I mean it literally just came out last month and we’re taking enough creative risks by releasing a sequel within the same year, but fuck it.” Eddie chuckled, “Just doin my job, douchebag.”

Eddie redirected, “Well anyways, due to his explicitly violent nature, there’s no way to correctly depict Carnage’s character without changing the franchise to an R rating. What are your thoughts on this?” The other Venom producer replied, “You know what? When you hear Venom…forget Venom.”

Choosing to continue his disgusting rant, the producer explained, “When you hear, Carnage, the only thing you can think of is R. But, if you know his story, if you really know the comic, there’s no R here.” Eddie turned his attention to a surprise guest, “Carnage?” Carnage stepped forward and asked, “Yeah?”

Eddie said, “Fuckin kill them.” The producers scream as Carnage opens his fangs up and bites into them. Arterial blood spray pampers the screen until it’s drenched in red. Eddie exclaimed, “Now that’s how you make a Carnage movie!” Carnage asked, “What did it cost?”

Eddie tragically remarked, “Everything. But at least we care and picked up a comic at least once.” Carnage lectured, “And caring is half the battle. Knowing your material is the other half.” Eddie replied, “You’re goddamn right, now suck my dick.”

Just as the camera is beginning to pan, Eddie notices his watch, “Oh, shit! Time’s up everyone! That’s all for the Eddie Brock Show and remember to check out the next movie based on me called Nightcrawler 2. It’s all about a self-publishing reporter who kills his own celebrity special appearances and makes them the cover story for his news articles, which is in no way true. And don’t forget—”

CARNAGE— RATED R FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS! COMING SOON TO EAT MPAA CENSORS NEAR YOU!


End file.
